First Time Mom: A Helpful Guide for What is to Come

There are many jobs and roles you can prepare for, however, motherhood is not one of them. Whether you are a first time mom (birthing a child, adopting, marrying a spouse who has children) whatever your first time mom situation is, this post is for you. Right now you may not really understand what road you are about to walk down, and that is okay, no mother knew exactly what they were getting into. You may be nervous, scared and a little anxious, and all of those emotions are perfectly normal. My goal today is to help ease the worry and offer some guidance as you begin this journey.

Change is on the Horizon

I married my husband in December of 2018 and in October of 2019 we welcomed our first child. Talk about change! Marriage was a major change in my life, then in less than a year another change entered my life. I knew that adding a baby to our lives would alter a few things, but I did not realize that it would change everything. Here are a few things that changed when our son arrived:

• Sleep

  • Before I had our son, I slept when I wanted to, how I wanted to and however long I wanted to. After our son entered into this world, I slept when he slept and for however long he slept.

• My diet

  • Before our son was born, I ate when I wanted. After our son, I would often forget to eat because I was busy taking care of his needs or the needs of the household.

• My body

  • Before our son, I worked out when I wanted and tried to keep in shape. After birth, working out was not an option for the first six weeks. After that it was difficult to keep an exercise regimen until he was a little older (around 6 months). Prepare for your body not to look exactly the same as it did before you gave birth. Many people talk about snapping back and your body going back to its original shape and weight. Do not be discouraged if this is not your story.

• Relationships with friends and family

  • Your time is no longer your own. You will no longer be able to do what you want to do, when you want to do it. Your baby will now take center stage. Depending on your community, your friends and family will understand that the baby is now your priority. This may change the dynamic of some relationships. I was not able to call and hangout as frequently as I did before.

• Finances/Budget

  • Children are expensive!

• Daily routine

  • A lot of my days were planned around the baby. As the baby grew, my routine would change to accommodate the baby. I wasn’t able to get much done when he was awake, then when he went to sleep, so did I. That meant that I had to figure out how and when to get my household work done.

Prepare

Preparing for your baby can mean a lot of things. You have read all the baby books, attended doctors appointments, and read all the baby blogs, now what:

• Wash and put the baby’s clothes and linens away

• Show your spouse or support system where all the essential baby items are kept

• Make sure that all baby items are accessible (you may not be able to move well after birth)

• Cook and freeze meals (if your up to it)

• Sleep

• Take a tour of the hospital and know where you are going to go once in labor or reporting for a C-section.

• Clean your home (outsource if you can)

• Discuss boundaries with your spouse

  • Do you want visitors at the hospital or your home once the baby is born?

  • When can visitors start coming to your home?

  • How many visitors can be in the house at one time?

  • Do you want visitors wearing masks when visiting the baby?

• Create a support system

  • Join a local mom group

  • Join a social media mom group

  • Have one or two close friends you can reach out to when needed

• Pack your hospital bag

  • Pack an outfit for you and the baby

  • Something that brings you comfort (blanket, pillow, robe, aromatherapy)

  • Pack your headphones, phone charger and an tablet or laptop, you may be there a while

  • Undergarments

  • Toiletries (body wash, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste)

Support System

This section is for those who will be supporting a first time mom or new mom. There are many times where your friends and family are doing things or saying things that they believe to be helpful, but they are not. So here are a few tips on how to help a new mom:

• Feed her! This is really advice for anytime you go to visit a mom with small kids. Whether you are visiting the baby or not, send food! This could be a meal you cooked, picked up or a food service gift card. Feed her, she is hungry!

• Respect her boundaries, she may not want anyone around the baby for a while. Let her know that you are there for her and will wait until she invites you to come visit.

• Be ready to lend a hand if she will allow it. Offer to wash and fold the baby's laundry or wash the dishes that are in the sink. She may not want the help, but at least offer.

• Do not comment on her weight or body.

• If you are allowed to visit the baby, do not stay long. She is tired.

• Ask to hold the baby, do not assume that she wants the baby to be touched.

• This should go without saying, but do not visit the baby if you are sick or were recently sick.

• Once the baby arrives she may forget to return calls or text, that’s okay. She still loves you.

Advice to Mom's

I asked moms of all ages and with children of different ages to give advice for new moms. Here are a few of the quotes below:

“Don’t compare your baby to another baby. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Ask for help. Get your partner or spouse involved with taking care of the baby. Self care is important. Connect with other moms” (mom of two)

“Do not sweat the small stuff. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom it is important to not get bogged down with things that in the grand scheme of things are not important. Children do not understand things that are important to you. You must stay in the moment with them. Take time to STOP and PLAY, it will be worth every moment and the memories will be worth more than gold to your children. You only have them for 18 years and it goes by fast.” (mom of three)

“Don’t worry, you will get it quickly, as you will have to do the same thing over and over again.” (mom of three)

“Parenting is a journey and a learning experience. You’re not going to get everything right and you will learn a lot about yourself. When raising your children, provide a safe space for them to come to you and share. As a parent, you want to be the first person they think about when they need advice or something goes wrong. Even though you might be disappointed about your child’s actions, you don’t want them scared to come to you. When raising your children don’t put an expectation to be little carbon copies of you. Remember they are individuals and let them be who they are. Do not parent based on others expectations or to make other people happy.” (mom of one)

“I can’t do it all, but Jesus the creator of my children, will fill in the gaps” (mom of five)

Encouragement

You can do this! You have been appointed to be this child's mother. You have all the tools and instincts necessary by just being you. There will be good days and there will be hard days and times you may need help. Do not be afraid to ask for help, asking for help does not make you less of a mom. You got this!