Effective Strategies for Nurturing Discipline in Children: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Mama’s before we jump into this blog, let me just say that I know this is a hard topic. I know this is a controversial topic. Let me remind you that I am coming from a perspective of currently having three little ones, ages four, two and one. This topic is necessary! 

Let me begin by saying this, you are The Mama. There is no one on this planet that loves your child more than you and there is no one on this planet (other than dad) who is more qualified to instill discipline within your child. You have been ordained to be your child’s mother and with that responsibility comes many heavy tasks…one being discipline. 

We can all agree that being a disciplined person is important and vital as a life trait, but the only way we can really live a disciplined life is to be taught. I taught high school for nine years and there were many times where I needed to meet with a parent regarding a student's behavior. Nine times out of ten, I knew that a child was behaving poorly in my class because they lacked discipline at home. Nine times out of ten after meeting with a student and parent, my suspicions were true. They treated me poorly because they treated their parents poorly and there were no consequences for their actions. 

Discipline can have a negative connotation, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s talk about what discipline can look like and how to teach it early on in our children’s lives. 

Yes and No

Parents, let your yes be yes and your no mean no. Consistency is vital! When you say no, let that be it. It doesn’t mean that there won’t be moments where you decide to change that no, but only you can decide that, not your child. Children can wear you down. My kids may ask for candy twenty times after I’ve already said no, and on that twenty first time I’m worn out and have the tendency to give in. Stay strong! This is a marathon not a sprint! 

Consistency

I am finding that the hardest part of trying to be a disciplined person and trying to instill discipline in my children is consistency. The day in day out of correcting your children and teaching them to obey is hard work and sometimes wearisome, but it is necessary. 

The easy thing to do is to overlook behavior that needs to be corrected. I’ve done it several times just because I was tired of constantly correcting. Then I started to see these behaviors grow and I knew if I didn’t correct them now, it would only get worse. Do your best to be consistent. Offer grace when necessary but try your best to be consistent. Children notice and will take advantage of a situation when they know that there is no correction or consequences for their actions. Which leads me to my next point. There needs to be consequences for disobedience or unacceptable behavior. 

Consequences

We know that in life every choice, good or bad, has a consequence. Life is about choices, and our children need help and guidance in making good choices. They also need to understand that when you make questionable decisions or don’t obey, sometimes tough consequences will follow. 

Applying a consequence when a child disobeys or makes a conscious bad decision needs to be met with a consequence. Consequences are designed to help correct behavior, remind people of what will happen if they make a bad choice and help our children understand a little bit about life. 

Really think through the kind of disciplinarian you are going to be. 

• Do you believe in time outs?

•  Do you plan to just sit down and talk to your child? 

• Do you plan to take away toys or screen time as a consequence?

•  Do you believe in physical consequences?

As you think through this, there are two things I recommend:

• Never threaten if you do not plan to follow through. Kids will begin not to take you seriously. If you tell your child to clean up or else you’re going to take screen time away. Be prepared to follow through with that consequence. 

• Do not discipline for other people. Some people have high expectations for how children should behave. Your child may do something in public and someone may say that your child should be disciplined for it. Do not be influenced by other people’s opinion of your child’s behavior. If you don’t feel like your child needs to be disciplined, then do not discipline them. Do not discipline a child to make someone else feel good. Kids will be kids and we need to make room for that even as we are training them to be disciplined people. 

Questions to think about when assigning a consequence:

• Is this a situation where a consequence needs to be given?

• Is  the consequence appropriate for the behavior?

• Am I giving a consequence out of anger?

• Am I giving a consequence solely because my child’s behavior embarrassed me?

• Is this behavior just a child being a child? 

• Were my expectations clear?

Encouragement 

Mama’s I stand with you when I say that we are in this together. We are raising children to one day be full functioning adults who will be able to live in a society that has rules and consequences for their actions. We want our children to be disciplined and live a controlled life. That starts now. Know that it’s not too late to teach discipline, but do understand that the older they get without being taught discipline the harder it will be to teach. Start young, be consistent and offer grace where necessary. As always mama’s, you are doing a labor of love and some days it’s rough but YOU GOT THIS!

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