Make Memories and Live Without Regrets

I think we can all agree that whether you are a stay at home mom (SAHM) or a mom who works outside of the home, life is busy. As moms, we feel the weight of being productive and getting things done. In our efforts to get things done and not “waste time”, our children might get lost in the shuffle. When we look back on this time with our children, we want to have no regrets on how we spent our time with them. So, let’s talk about how we can make more memories and have less regrets!

Mom Guilt

When I worked outside of the home as an educator, I often struggled with balance. How was I going to dedicate my off time to my family and the household duties? When I became a SAHM, I still faced the same question. Even though I wasn’t leaving the house to go to work, my workload was just as heavy and my time was just as stretched.

Housework was becoming consuming. I was picking up toys and fruit snack wrappers, washing dishes and sweeping all day. When my son would ask me to go outside and play or sit with him at the table while he painted, oftentimes my response was “okay just let me finish _________” or “I can’t right now because I had to finish the laundry”. What I was beginning to notice is that he didn’t understand busyness, but he did understand that mommy keeps saying no. This is one of the main reasons why I created a weekly schedule (read Our Daily Schedule post for more). Mom guilt was starting to set in. I felt guilty for not spending much needed time with my children and for not completing the household chores that I committed to that day when I would stop and play.

I was reminded recently by a mom who has grown children, that we only have 18 years with our babies and the time moves fast. While chores and other household responsibilities are important, let's talk about practical ways to maximize our time with our children.

Put Your Devices Away

Yup! I said it! Put away the cell phone, tablet or whatever electronic device you may have that takes your attention away from your children. For example, when we are eating at the table, I try to make it a device free zone. Even though my children don’t have a lot to say at dinner, it’s the togetherness we want to focus on.

If you have older children, putting your device away can give you a chance to have a conversation with your child without interruption. Consider scheduling some “facetime” with your children without electronics.

Create a Schedule

Whether you are a SAHM or a mom who works outside the home, create a schedule. This schedule could be for housework or scheduling in specific family time.

You may have more than one child and would like to spend individual time with each, schedule it. Scheduling our time helps us to be intentional with our time and the people we are spending it with.

When I was younger, my parents scheduled a month during the summer to take a road trip across the United States. The goal was to visit all 48 contiguous states and we did that! We were able to accomplish this because my parents took time to schedule and plan for this time. This may not be something you can do (or want to do), but try to schedule time weekly for uninterrupted quality time with your children.

Stop and Play

Depending on the age of your child or children this could look very different. I have young children so for me here are a few things I have started doing with my children more frequently:

• Going outside, even if I don’t actively play.

• Sitting with them while they paint or color

• Taking family trips to the park

• When I’m running errands, getting them a special treat while we are out.

• Going in their room and playing with building blocks or playing with dolls.

If you have older children, play is going to look different. Here are a few things you could consider doing:

• Go outside and participate in the sport they play.

• Show interest in their music and listen with them.

• Watch their favorite show together or choose a family show to watch on a regular basis.

• Create a weekly family night and let them choose the activity.

• Play video games with them

• Have a device free game night

• Workout together

• Cook or bake together

Biggest Regrets

As I was preparing this blog, I spoke with a few moms who have grown children. I asked them what were some of their regrets when raising their children and here is what they said:

• “Do not sweat the small stuff. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mom it is important to not get bogged down with things that in the grand scheme of things are not important. Children do not understand things that are important to you. You must stay in the moment with them. Take time to STOP and PLAY; it will be worth every moment and the memories will be worth more than gold to your children. You only have them for 18 yrs and it goes by so fast.”

• “I think that my biggest regrets are times that I disciplined or responded out of anger or frustration. I learned that approach does not go over well and causes my child to shut down. So I have learned to step back, allow myself to settle down and then approach the situation.”

• “I didn’t take the time to really get to know one of my children and allow them to operate within their personality and gifts”

Encouragement

You may be reading this and you have grown children, teenagers or little ones. Know that you still have time while you are on this earth to create memories with your children.

Yes, depending on their age and status, your involvement may look different and you may have to become more creative in how you spend time with them; make the time nonetheless. Remember as always, YOU GOT THIS!