Love and Loss...

If there is one thing a mother never wants to experience, it’s the loss of a child. No one expects it, no one wishes for it and no one knows exactly how to handle it when it happens. Circumstances for the loss of a child can be different for each mother, but the pain is the same.

Six months after having my first child, my husband and I were expecting again! Of course, we were excited and a bit nervous about having children so close together. At my eight week appointment we were able to see our little dot of a baby! All was going well. A few weeks later, we were scheduled for another ultrasound. The appointment was going on as usual. As the doctor is performing the ultrasound, I can tell that she is looking for the baby in a way she had not before. As I’m laying on the exam table, I notice that I do not hear a heartbeat. This isn’t totally abnormal during the early stages of pregnancy. Sometimes the baby is just hiding. Well that wasn’t the case here. The nurse practitioner left and brought the doctor in. Finally she confirmed that somewhere between my eight week appointment and ten week appointment the baby’s heart had stopped beating and I was experiencing a miscarriage.

There was a flood of emotions on top of experiencing the symptoms of a miscarriage. I won’t go into detail but just know experiencing a miscarriage is not a pretty sight. So what now, this little baby we were excited about and planning for is no longer. Yes, I had never physically met my child but there was life growing and our attachment was developing. Ladies, no matter what the situation is surrounding your loss, it is a major loss. So what do we do? When the pain is heavy and more than you can bear, who do you run to? Let’s talk about it

Grieve

Your situation may be different from mine or the same. Maybe you had a miscarriage, maybe your baby was sick or developed an illness, maybe there were birth complications or maybe there was a tragic event that resulted in your child’s death. Either way, take the time to grieve.

Grieving can manifest itself in many ways. You might cry for hours or days on end, maybe you need to be alone and in bed for a while, or maybe you find comfort in being with your love ones. This is a significant loss so it is understandable that your grief will be significant.

Some may grieve for a few hours, some for a few days and some for years. Everyone is different. I’m here to say that the grief will get better. It may never fully go away, but it will get better. Your loss may have happened years ago and for some reason there are things that may remind you of your child and you begin grieving all over again. That is okay. Loss is hard and it is okay for you to be sad. One thing I want you to remember while you go through the process of grieving, the Bible says

• “But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.”‭(1 Thessalonians‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

Depending on what you believe, you can rest in the hope of seeing them again and that they are in the loving arms of the Savior.

Encouragement for Family & Friends

If you have a friend or a family member who is experiencing the loss of a child, there are a few things you can do to help.

• Grieve with them: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭12‬:‭15‬ ‭NKJV‬. Be there and sit with them as they cry. This is a time of mourning, so mourn with them.

• Respect their privacy: they may be in a state where they don’t want to talk or be around anyone. Let them know you are there and that you will wait for them to reach out.

• Send a gift or card: one of the things I was so grateful for were those who sent beautiful heartfelt cards. Those who sent gifts or those who shared their testimonies of losing their child (many of which I had never heard).

• Do not minimize the loss: everyone means well. Sometimes people can say things that minimize the loss and pain the mom is experiencing. Stay away from saying things like (at least it was quick, at least the baby wasn’t born yet or at least you weren’t that far along). Those words are not comforting or helpful.

Final Encouragement for Moms

“…Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.” You will smile again, you will laugh again and will have joy again. As always momma’s, I am walking with you and remember that even during the tough times… YOU GOT THIS.